First impressions count and body language is key to establishing a positive vibe. Dating coach John Keane shares four secrets to great body language to ensure you’re giving off the right energy…
It is very important that you are aware of your body language as it can be the biggest signal to how you are feeling at any given time. When it comes to dating, this is a major factor as over 90 per cent of language is non-verbal so it is important that you are giving off the right signals otherwise you will give off the wrong impression.
Remember that you form your impression of a person within three seconds of meeting them so it is important to get it right. When it comes to dating the social dynamics of body language between men and women are slightly different and I will elaborate on this.
Closed Body Language
Whether you are meeting someone for the first time or you’re on a second date, this is something that both genders have to be aware of. For example, one of the biggest mistakes women make is that they can appear to have very closed off body language when they are in a bar. This is fine if you are looking to catch up with your friend after a long week and you don’t want to be disturbed but if you are looking to meet someone you are giving off the wrong signals as you are appearing closed off and you are less likely to be approached.
So have your back facing the bar and keep your arms unfolded. The same goes for guys in this respect, many guys subconsciously hold their drinks close to them, especially if they are on they are on their own. This gives off insecurity signals; instead you should stand tall and keep your head high and hold your glass at waist length.
This gives off the impression of someone being nervous and insecure. This can make both parties uneasy when on a date. Biting your nails, rubbing or holding your face – and even constantly playing around on your phone are examples of what not to do. It shows that you feel uncomfortable situation, therefore you make idle hands busy.
Once you become aware of this you will find it easier to stop doing it. Keep your hands close to your pockets with just your thumb inside your pocket. This will remove the need for fidgeting and you will appear calmer and open as a result.
Poor Eye Contact
This is very important when it comes to communicating non-verbally and it is a great way for you to show your confidence and your intent. For example, if you are a woman in a bar, making eye contact suggests you’re interested and invites the person to approach.
The biggest mistake a lot of guys make is that they break eye contact and look down at the floor, which makes them appear under-confident. It is perfectly ok to eventually break eye contact but look away to either side instead.
It is also important that you are able to maintain good eye contact whether you have just met each other or are on a date. If you don’t keep enough eye contact you may give the impression that you are not interested, even is you are. Alternatively, you may appear untrustworthy or unsure of yourself.
Whether you are actually doing 50 per cent of it right or none at all, practising good body language is very important. Be aware of what you are doing and how you appear at all times. Poor body language is usually the result of having negative thoughts about yourself and the world around you. So it is important to question these thoughts and start thinking more positively about yourself instead.
By just smiling you will notice how your state will change. So even if you are thinking negatively, practise good body language and over time it may improve your well-being.
About the author
John Keane is a NLP practitioner and dating coach. He has closely studied relationships and human patterns of behaviour to teach people everything they need to know abuot dating successfully.