How to be your own BEST FRIEND

Loving yourself is about looking after yourself, says Nikki Wyatt

Back in the day, self-love may have been about having a long hot bath or a facial, but once you’ve woken up to yourself as a spiritual being you realise it’s so much more than that. Although those are lovely gifts to give yourself in the short-term, there are other ways to create a deeper and more long-term impact.

The truth is we tend not to prioritise our own need for love if we feel we don’t deserve it — or perhaps not as much as others do. We may run a warm, fragrant bath but let it go cold while we help our child with their homework or take a call from a lonely friend. We may be looking forward to a much needed walk in nature but end up responding to ‘just another email’ or sorting out the laundry until we look up and darkness has fallen or it’s started to rain. If our walk had been with our best friend we’d have followed through, but somehow when it’s ourselves we often break our commitments and think it doesn’t matter — yet it does. It sends a message that our needs don’t matter, not only to ourselves but also to those around us. Who can blame them for not respecting our desires when they see us put them aside so easily?

Rebuild your trust

This has important consequences because one of the main reasons we don’t reach our goals in life is selfdoubt. If you’re relying on yourself to follow through and you know your track record isn’t good, that will feed your doubt and dent your confidence to the point where you may never get out of the starting gate — or off the sofa.

So what can you do to rebuild trust in yourself? Firstly become aware of the voices inside you that come from the parts that you consider unloveable. Everybody has aspects of themselves that were criticised, disapproved of, shamed, laughed at or rejected. It’s these critical voices from the past that tell us to do the laundry instead of painting a picture, writing a novel or learning to dance. These voices tell us we aren’t worthy of having fun, being successful or experiencing joy. But noticing and questioning them is so uncomfortable that even cleaning the oven can seem a pleasant diversion. However, when you do, the rewards are so much greater than a gleaming cooker — the prize is a radiant new you.

Reclaim your love for yourself

1 Find a photograph of yourself as a child or flick through an old album to bring up memories of yourself when you were young. Close your eyes and think of a time when you were judged, criticised or disapproved of. Allow the feelings of anger, shame, grief or fear to arise.

2 Now put on some music that reflects your emotions. Stomp about and shout or sing along with gusto. Express the feelings you probably couldn’t express at the time. Allow tears to flow if they arise. If your anger needs an outlet, pick up old newspapers or magazines and rip them up – really allow your body to release the feelings it’s been holding onto all these years.

3 When you finally feel yourself soften and quieten, pick up a cushion or a cuddly toy and imagine this is your younger self. Tell your younger self that you’re loved. It was the behaviour that troubled people, it wasn’t you — you are perfect. The people around you may not have known how best to react. You have nothing to fear. You are your best friend and you’ll always be there for you. You’ll never judge. You’ll always understand. Take the learning, but release the pain. Cuddle your younger self until you both feel content.

4 Now picture the situation again, but this time you’re standing watching it with your younger self. Keep reassuring them until all the emotional charge from the situation has gone.

Each time you do this you reclaim more parts of yourself and become more whole. Each time you release more upset that you’ve locked away, you’re less likely to sabotage self-love.

3 ESSENCES FOR HEALING AND JOY

Lobelia essence allows us to be our own best friend, so we’ll know how to be a good friend to others. It strengthens our self-confidence, even when others aren’t supportive. It helps us develop clear and healthy boundaries in our relationships because it supports stronger self-love, self-acceptance and self-esteem. Use it to get in touch with your basic instincts and intrinsic rhythms. It encourages you to live in harmony with the earth, to listen so you know what you need — rest, food and love.

Wild ginger helps create a sense of safety so you’re comfortable connecting with your body and heart. You’ll experience greater self-acceptance and be able to maintain healthy boundaries. Ginger will also strengthen your spiritual connection, so you become clearer about what’s really important to you. This means you’re able to focus your gifts more effectively instead of splitting your attention or over-giving to others. You’ll know where you want to invest your resources and when it’s time to pull back and recharge.

Tiger’s eye helps resolve issues of self-worth and blocked creativity. It makes us aware of our talents and abilities, as well as faults which need to be overcome. It shows us the correct use of power and brings out integrity. It can alleviate low spirits and lift our mood. It’s excellent if you’re feeling spaced out or uncommitted, as it grounds and facilitates manifestation of the will.

You’ll find these essences within different blends at: spiritoftransformation.com

With acknowledgement to: Crystal Herbs, Hummingbird Remedies, MK Projects, Gurudas Essence Books and Judy Hall’s The Crystal Bible

Nikki Wyatt uses vibrational medicine to release patterns causing problems with relationships, work, money and health. For your free soul flower reading, bespoke essences and personal guidance, visit spiritoftransformation.com