Shun grumbling fault-finders and jive on down to the feel-good vibes of carefree comrades, as Judith Orloff spills four secrets to attracting positive people
You don’t have to be a Maharishi to charm positive people. We all can. Look for them everywhere: in a cashier, a neighbour, a co-worker. There’s an interconnecting network between us that’s constantly tweaking our energy system. As an intuitive empath, my well-being relies on scrutinising the quality of these exchanges. Some people can zap my energy; others rejuvenate me.
How do you recognise a positive person? What sets them apart is a determination to do their best, and not succumb to what’s negative in themselves or external influences. How I see it, positive people are committed to having an open heart and to developing compassion for themselves and others. They seek to be authentic and are courageous in following their dreams.
These folks are aware of their dark side, and are willing to learn from mistakes in a bid to heal it. What they aren’t is phony, squeaky clean do-gooders, who are upbeat all the time. Neither do they sink into a black hole of pessimism when things go wrong or beat themselves to a pulp over their shortcomings.
We’re all energised by those who surround us, so it helps to attract the right kind of personalities. And, you can learn to magnetise positive circumstances by emulating the attributes you long to attract. Not sure how? Try the following exercises…
1 Identify your best parts and speak from them
Pinpoint your finest qualities – perhaps irreverence, sensitivity, compassion, humour – then project them to the world. By speaking up and stepping out of your comfort zone you’re widening your energy field.
Before meeting new people or going to important events, prime yourself. Take a break for an inner pep talk. Think, ‘I’m not going to focus on my insecurity but on a strength; I’m going to feel and trust the positive energy inside me. I’m going to claim my full power’.
An exercise like this puts your best parts front and centre. Once your perspective has shifted, it’s easier to confidently move forward.
2 Extend love outward
Love creates an irresistible charisma, a warm glow that makes us and others happy; you can send it in any situation. How? Focus on your heart and envision something you love: a flock of seagulls, your partner’s smile, a blooming rose. Then, during a conversation, make an inward request: ‘Let love flow through me’.
Feel it rise from your chest; notice a sense of heat, serenity, a radiance. These energies move outward and people soften around them; they feel safe and want more. So, when standing by your boss start pumping away. Loving energy smooths the rough edges of any circumstance and facilitates rapport, so try it around those you may not like but seek to get along better with, too.
3 Regularly meditate
Cutting edge brain studies confirm that we all have a certain mood set point, a range of feelings we default to. But with regular meditation, it’s been shown that we can alter our habitual moods towards the positive. A simple but powerful three-minute meditation can enhance your happiness.
When feelings surface during your practice, monitor them. Focus on what’s uplifting, not the swirl of negative emotions. Use your breath to centre yourself. This inner turnabout transmutes pessimism to something higher. Subsequently, your vibes change and others will respond accordingly.
4 Commit to emotional housecleaning
Consistently chipping away at adverse traits makes room for more positivity within. Self-awareness is our greatest ally against fear. Psychotherapy, introspection, meditation, journalling, and/or talking with friends all further healing. As negativity remits, you become more alluring.
Remember when doing this work not to hold idealised expectations, everyone – including yourself. – has irritating/challenging/disappointing traits. We all have foibles. Even so, you can legitimately hope to personify and attract others fighting their way out of the muck with an open heart and sense of humour. These are my heroes and friends.
About the author
Judith Orloff MD is a psychiatrist, intuitive healer and the author of Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love, upon which this article is based.