Sure, it can be deflating when your met with stone-cold rejection but rather than bury your head and feel disenchanted, these moments could actually be a blessing in disguise. Dating coach John Keane explains more…
When you set about improving your life, setting up a business or applying for that dream job, you will have to accept the fact that you will may face rejections or setbacks. This is also very true with dating. It is said that you are only as strong as your weakness and this can be said with rejections as well. It is how you deal with rejections that will determine how successful you become with dating.
The Root of Rejection
‘Approach anxiety’ is one the biggest issues that my clients face and the biggest cause is the fear of rejection – which tends to be rooted in our childhoods when we were conditioned to feel certain ways about certain outcomes.
I remember asking a girl out for the first time when I was about 14 years old and she rejected me. It really hurt, so much so that I would never put myself in this position for years to come and I would only rely on meeting women through my friends. It is only when I made that mind shift when I was in my early twenties to really get my dating life handled that I faced my fear of rejection.
It Is Never Personal
When you break down rejection it is never really personal, it only becomes personal if you choose to make it personal. When I first started feeling confident in approaching women, I got rejected a lot and although the feeling of rejection stung I was determined to move past it.
It was only through approaching different women that I realised it was usually down to the person I approached and nothing to do with me, personally. I teach people the art of how to approach in the best way they can using their best qualities but even if you do approach them well, you cannot control how the other person will react. The other person could have a partner, different preference or have simply had a bad day. These are factors that you have absolutely no control over and the more you put yourself out there, the more that you will come to realise this yourself.
There Is No Rejection Only Feedback
Your ability to how you handle rejection also depends on how you view it and one of the biggest reasons that people take it so badly is that they base it on how the other person will react. As I already mentioned, you cannot control how the other person will react so you should instead focus on how you will improve and learn from the experience.
For example, if you see someone that you are really attracted to walking down the street and you decide to approach them, ultimately even if they’re not interested it will have still been a positive experience for you. Let’s say they tell you they have a partner, you can still walk away from the experience knowing that you were true to yourself, and instead of daydreaming and wondering what they would have been like to talk to, you will have made it a reality and found out for yourself.
However your experiences turn out to be, you should always look to the positive, and find the lesson.
About the author
John Keane is a NLP practitioner and dating coach. He has closely studied relationships and human patterns of behaviour to teach people everything they need to know abuot dating successfully.