Boundaries: the spiritual healing you need

Many people – especially spiritual people – struggle to live by their boundaries, to say no when they need to, and to not slip into toxic people-pleasing patterns. Why? That very light inside that drives us to want to live our purpose, to make a difference, to help people and to serve can also mean we find it difficult to have healthy boundaries in place. We don’t intend to or maybe even realise our actions, but we can forget to put ourselves and our energy first. We would rather say yes, than upset someone by saying no. We want to help and sort out all the troubles being experienced. Whether or not that is more than we can realistically do.

I was one of those people. Back in the summer of 2018 I was stood at the side of an A road, miles away from home and looking at the smashed up side of my car. You see, whilst tired, recovering from surgery and taking prescription painkillers, I’d fallen asleep at the wheel and collided with a lorry. I was lucky and walked away, but I was shaken to my core. In the months that followed I realised how much I needed boundaries, how few I had, and I underwent a deep spiritual healing process.

Ignoring our boundaries or allowing people to cross them has many effects on spiritual people. For example healers will experience blocks in their own self-healing sessions – the energy flow differs – we can become overwhelmed, energetically drained, suffer from illness and dis-ease. With boundaries in place, we are aligned and centred, our natural healing gifts and abilities can be strengthened – we are empowered.

If you say yes when you really want to say no and if you find it hard to put yourself before others, you are not alone. Putting boundaries into place is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and for your spiritual gifts. It’s likely you already have boundaries, you just need to heal to remove the blocks you have to living by them.

Now try something new

Give yourself permission: why you and your energy must come first, always

Visualise your future with healthy boundaries in place

A powerful exercise is to visualise your life with all the boundaries you desire in place. Feel how life is like for you, then note and remember what comes up during that visualisation. That’s the goal and when you do so and you really feel it, it’s easier to do what it takes to bring it all to life!

Say yes only when you truly mean it

Don’t answer people’s requests or asks for favours, with a yes immediately unless that is a from the gut with an
intuitive, heartfelt YES! If it’s a maybe ‘yes’, or a ‘I don’t want to say yes but I’ll have to’, then ask for time to think about it and tell them you will come back to them. Think it through and then give them their answer. After some thought, that ‘yes’ may come easier and be a more affirmative, positive ‘yes’. Or it could actually be a firm no, and that’s ok. Better to explain it’s no and why, then say yes and resent it.

Journaling

Journaling is a useful tool to help you reflect and help you identify where and what boundaries you may need to put
into place, communicate or strengthen. Grab a pen and free write everything down. Make it a huge brain dump of thoughts and feelings and then work through them to see patterns that you can then work and improve on.

Work with your throat chakra

Saying no can take a lot of adjustment. It’s going to feel strange at first and can be hard for people around us to accept – especially if we’ve been a ‘yes’ person for a long time. Keeping your throat chakra clear and removing any blocks of energy will help when you start to feel like those words aren’t coming easily.

Connect with your inner child

If your boundaries were often crossed as a child, your inner child may need reassurance and healing to help you establish healthy boundaries as an adult. In meditation, visualise your childhood self back on an occasion where your boundaries were crossed, then send reassurance to your child self; promise them that they are seen, heard, loved and safe. Promise your child self that you will ensure your boundaries are respected as you move forward.

Practice forgiveness

Using a simple forgiveness ritual like Ho’oponopono can help remove and heal anywhere you feel resentments and hurt when it comes to your boundaries being crossed in the past. It’s a great way to help you move forward with boundaries in place in a positive way.

Go to your crystals

Whether you want to pop a crystal in your pocket for extra help, meditate with it for clarity, use it for healing, or have it in your space to help with strength or protection, I personally recommend cherry orchard jasper, amazonite, black tourmaline, blue kyanite and rhodonite for any work around communicating your boundaries in a positive loving way.

Affirmations

Affirmations can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes. I like to use affirmations like ‘I honour myself by honouring my boundaries’ or ‘My boundaries help me take loving care of my body, mind and soul each any every day, in each and every way’ to support this work. Remember, boundaries don’t make us rude or selfish. They make sure we have more time and energy to enjoy the people and things we want to do and that light us up. Explore how working with your shadow self, healing your inner child and past life traumas and more can help you live with healthy boundaries in my new book ‘Sacred Boundaries: Six Ways to Heal and Step Into Your Power’.

Caroline Gaskin is an intuitive reader, energy healer, spiritual coach and author of the book ‘Sacred Boundaries: Six Ways to Heal and Step Into Your Power’. Follow her via @ sacredmoonuk and visit her website saredboundaries.co.uk

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