How many times have you dabbled with the idea of reinvention but not quite gotten round to putting your plans into action? Much of the time, progression, change and evolution is stunted by unanswered questions. So we asked our readers to send in there questions about reinvention, from which we picked five and presented them to NLP master practitioner and expert in the psychology of health, happiness and genius, Phil Parker. Here are his answers…
What’s the difference between personal growth and reinvention?
To be honest, they are fundamentally the same thing; although personal growth and reinvention are about changing yourself- there are certain things that always be the same about you – they are your essence – your best and highest self, the part of you that is non-judgemental, deeply compassionate and is clear about your mission in life.
So the process of personal growth or reinvention it is often less about learning new ideas and adopting new tools and more about unlearning some of the old unhelpful restrictions, limiting beliefs and ways of being that we have picked up along the way that have been shrouding the best parts of ourselves.
2 I’m feeling a little lost in life and I know I need to reinvent myself and bring positive change to my life but I have no idea where to start. Do you have any advice for me?
I would begin by using your imagination and walk yourself through your ‘perfect day’. This is a day at some un specificed point in your future where you have the most perfect day you can imagine. You know this because it’s effortless to get up in the morning; you wake brimming with excitement about what the day holds; you hangout with the people you love to be with and most importantly you know that today most of your waking energy is spent fulfilling your mission.
As you take yourself through this day, notice what it is that you do. Where and how do you spend your time? This will clarify for you the things that are truly important in your life, and will form the blueprint for what needs to happen to make this a reality. Don’t be concerned if this is a large gap between what is currently going on in your life and what you wish for – any mission worth having should stretch you. If you really feel like you’ve got everything in your perfect day, then you either will be happy right now or you may need to think bigger.
3 I’m desperately trying to become more positive, which would be fine if I was alone all day! In all seriousness, though, how do you remain upbeat when those around you are so negative?
Imagine a world where everybody thought exactly the same; this would mean that menus would have probably one, or maybe two options; the same TV show would be broadcast daily; only a small and books would need to be ever printed and it will be impossible to have thoughtful discussions as everybody would agree with each other. So although having people with different perspectives around can see like pain, having everyone agree with us were probably be just as bad.
So we need to accept that this is the way that it is and is not all bad – having said that there are some useful techniques the changing how you deal with these kinds of people.
One of the simplest ones is the magic haddock technique:
If you find some people seem to object to change that you wish for, or seem to get in the way with their comments and opinions, there are some simple things you can do. Firstly, recognise that you are unlikely to change them; what you need to do instead is change how you deal with their negativity.
The easiest way to do this is to use the Magic Haddock.
Picture them now in you mind, imagine they are about to say one of their destructive comments, then suddenly notice that unbeknownst to them a large haddock is resting on top of the head. The friendly haddock smiles at you and winks. Every time the person says anything that’s not positive and supportive the Magic Haddock on their head wiggles, giggles and winks at you.
Notice how this feels. Yes, it’ll become very difficult to take anything they say seriously… and this is probably a very good thing.
Self-critical should be my middle name; I’m forever analysing and casting doubts over my decisions. What tips do you have to help me silence my inner critic?
This is one of the most common ways we stop our dreams from happening – so welcome to the club.
Try these two techniques:
1 Self compassion
Every time you hear this voice just thank it for being there, without judgement or assessment. Quite amazingly, as soon as you stop fighting it, it loses its power.
2 Once you’ve thanked it, change the location that the voice is coming from
It’s coming from the left hand side of your head move it to the right – you can also change the quality of voice by imagining you take the characteristics of someone who’s opinion you always take with a pinch of salt.
No matter how hard I try, I feel like I keep falling into the same patterns in relationships – and the worst part is that I can identify where I’m going wrong, I just can’t stop myself! How do I break the cycle?
This is a very common pattern that many people notice in their lives – and you’re already ahead of the game by having noticed it. It’s a generalisation but the main issues of many people in these kind of relationships boil down to low levels of self love and self worth; people choosing relationships that are no good for them usually do it because at some level they don’t believe they’re worth anything better. You can see this clearly in terms of physical attraction: people choose partners who they think they have a chance with because they are within their ‘range of physical beauty’ – this is why supermodels rarely get asked out by anyone. So in order to find someone who is going to be the right kind of person for us, we need to start feeling better about ourselves.
Start this process by saying to yourself the phrase ‘I love myself fully and completely’. Notice how comfortable or uncomfortable that phrase sounds to you; this will reveal to you the kind of issues you need to be resolving to finally break this pattern – but the good news is, you CAN and DESERVE to.
About the author
Phil Parker is an renowned lecturer, therapist and innovator in the field of personal development. His training as a hypnotherapist, executive coach, certified master practitioner of NLP and osteopath give this book a unique perspective and provide new solutions to meet the challenges and opportunities of life in the 21st century. He’s also the author of four book,s including Get the Life You Love Now (Hay House).