If you are in a long-term relationship, you’ve probably weathered your share of knowing looks and pats on the arm for your patience and perseverance. The cultural expectations for relationships keep shrinking, and grim-faced ‘survival’ has replaced ‘thriving’ for many people. What if you could not only fix your long-term love, but also renew the romance and step into an entirely new possibility, one where things just keep getting better? Interested? Read on, as Kathlyn Hendricks reveals more…
My partner, Gay, and I have been together 35 years now and have genuinely followed in inventor, author andtheorist Buckminster Fuller’s steps in this regard. When asked how he has made so many discoveries and innovations, he replied “…I seem to have made more mistakes than any others of whom I know”. We did what Bucky did, which is to get curious and learn intensively from those mistakes. Then we recommitted to the intimacy, openness and fun that we wanted from the beginning.
And now we can confidently say that it’s possible to:
• Completely end blame and criticism
• Have the best sex ever
• Easily resolve issues rather than rehashing them over and over
• Savour each other more and more through deep presencing and play (yes, even old dogs can learn to play)
• Inspire those around you
We have explored the first imperative for thriving relationships: your full-out commitment to your creativity. Even if you don’t think you’re creative at all, you can make the daily small choices that open up the windows and let your inherent creativity begin to see the light again.
See, your basic choice after mid-life is either to continue expanding and growing or to fold up and contract into fewer choices, a less and less flexible body and less fulfilling relating.
Boredom is not inevitable. Continual discovery can become your new baseline.
When you choose to spend just ten minutes a day doing something you love to do, whether that’s doodling, making up a new soup, singing about your day, or dancing to music you like, you switch on your creativity muscles and begin to build a reservoir of new potentials.
So what does creativity have to do with a thriving long-term relationship?
Your creativity, feelings (including your sexual feelings!) and general juiciness all come out of the same facet, and when you open your creativity, you get more interesting to yourself, and more attractive to your partner. You shift from routine and schedules to renewal and romance. Everyone craves both security and variety. Creative flow opens both as you become more confident in your inventiveness and the power of letting yourself enjoy doing something you love, even for just 10minutes. You’ve got ten minutes you can give to your expansion every day—best first thing before you get into the business of the day.
Start tomorrow morning, and when you forget—you will—simply recommit and get back into the joy of creating again.
About the author
Kathlyn Hendricks has been a pioneer in the field of body-mind integration for thirty years. She is the co-author of 10 books including her most recent title Conscious Loving Ever After.