Being a heartbreak expert, I have women coming to me all the time who are still stuck in love with their ex-partners, says relationship expert Marina Pearson. What I have observed, is that there are several key things that they are not doing that will keep them stuck in the past, stopping them from moving on.
Below are the most crucial to any woman’s well-being and living a happy, heartbreak-free life.
- Judge the ex
You may have heard the quote – you cannot be right and happy. Well this is true. Judging an ex, will not get you anywhere and will keep you in the anger and jealousy. It’s normal for us to point the finger whenever we feel betrayed, or if we’ve done something wrong, we will jump to defend ourselves. However, judgment adds fuel to the fire and it will keep you stuck.
Instead, when you catch yourself judging him say to yourself “Thank you for letting me see a part of myself that I can now begin to like and embrace.”
- Re-hash the story
Have you heard yourself tell the story of what happened with you and your ex, over and over? If you have, then this is a massive mistake to avoid. Obsessing over what he has done or not done will drive you crazy.
The chances are you will have one of two stories – the first, how he was so amazing – the best person that ever lived because…and the second – how he was the worst thing that ever happened to you. These stories are told over and over. Like a tractor in a field, you are ploughing your story deeper and deeper into your psyche, making you feel trapped and stuck.
- Wishing your life were different
When you are stuck in the “what ifs” and the “if onlys” you will not be able to move on. You will be worrying about your future and regretting the past. All this does is keep you in the pain of your own thoughts. The future has not happened yet and the past is already done, so there is nothing you can do. Yo-yoing backwards and forwards will keep you out of the present. And when we are present, we are at peace.
Instead, practice the art of gratitude. What can you be grateful for right now? How did the past serve you to empower you? How can you make the future what you want for yourself?