Heartbreak is designed to shape you, define you and turn you into a stronger and more emotionally aware individual, as Marianne Vicelich explains…
I believe you can never fail in life or love. You just produce results. There are no failed relationships, because every person in your life has a life lesson to teach.
It’s Always Your Choice
If you have recently undergone a break-up I know how challenging it can be. Nothing can hurt someone more than heartbreak. When love goes awry deep emotional pain can cause insecurity and a desire to retreat from the world, at least the dating world.
But what if this pain – this heartbreak – was good for you? If managed correctly, this heartbreak can lead you to a better, more creative and much stronger emotional space. Your struggles can turn into valuable lessons that help you grow strong. Remind yourself that it is always your choice. You can be miserable. Or you can motivate yourself to stretch your mind and seek out better interpretations for your break-up. Strength comes from your resilience to be able to bounce back from the upset and hurt. It is important to ask yourself, “What did I learn from this?” and “How can I do things differently?”
Life is a lesson; your ex partners are your teachers. Often it is your deepest pain, which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
If someone has hurt you, take some time to try to understand them – their traumas, their childhood, their mood. Don’t do this to simply find excuses for them. Do it to help you to heal and to de-personalise the pain. When you seek compassion for them, you wind up having more compassion for yourself too.
We Develop A Sense Of Gratitude
It’s not uncommon for people post heartbreak to look on their past and ill-fated relationship with a sense of gratitude. They feel grateful that this person was part of their love journey. They feel thankful that this person has helped shape them into being the person they are today.
Heartbreak can pave the way for something bigger, more beautiful and better to come your way.
Express gratitude always. By expressing gratitude it reminds yourself of the good times you shared and how you have been freed to find a love that values you, and who you value.
A lot of us think that we have to wait until feelings of hurt and anger are resolved before we can forgive someone. However, this is not always so. Forgiveness is actually a deliberate and intentional act. It is a decision that restores vitality, possibility, and integrity to your life.
Realise that you are only resentful to the extent that you have given away your personal power. Ultimately, to forgive someone means to cancel the debt you feel they owe you. It is a surrender and release of the hurt that has passed between you. The antidote to resentment is acceptance. When it comes to creating more love in our lives, we stand ready, like samurai warriors, to release all that is not love from our hearts.
Grievances Hold You Back
What you do not heal in your past will show up in your present relationships and in the life you live now. It doesn’t matter how often you change your cast or your location, the story will be the same until you forgive. Without forgiveness, the past can turn up at any moment, and you will repeat the history. However, forgiveness can change your past and the present by helping you give it a different purpose. The purpose of your life is not to carry a grievance.
The truth is, each gain in life represents the loss of something else. We simply never move forward in life without losing something. No wonder most of us are resistant to change, even when those changes promise to be positive.
Surrendering to change means letting go of being in control. The feeling that we are in charge of our lives gives us leverage in our attempts to avoid the experience of loss. Many of us are suffering severe levels of angst in an attempt to avoid the natural order of life, which always includes periods of endings. But life isn’t really set up to allow for standing still.
When we refuse to move forward, it becomes clear within a relatively short period of time that, in fact, we have begun to move backwards. Loss is a part of life. Our lives are always in motion. As such, we will continually be asked to give up the life we have for the life we are creating. There is a Chinese proverb that says, “My barn having burned to the ground. I can now see the moon.” Loss is like that. The time has come to put your love and time into learning from your mistakes, so you can, should you wish, successfully find a more suitable partner.
When a relationship ends, working out what you have learnt from this situation, and how it has served as a stepping-stone for your future relationships is invaluable information for you to have. This can be a perfect time to look at your shortcomings. When we modify our own behaviour and learn how to create positive personal adjustments, this creates a sense of empowerment and hope.
Have Courage To Trust Love One More Time
When a relationship ends it’s important to release them and know that their part of your story is over. Your story will go on. Instead of stressing over the loss of this person, you must face forward, happy in the knowledge that the empty space they’re leaving behind is clearing up space for someone far more right for you. Pain is your evolutionary partner. Insight breakthroughs happen through relationship break-ups.
They give you a profound view of life and their purpose and potential in it. You have the power to rewrite your destiny.
About the author
Marianne Vicelich teaches women the importance of self-love, forgiveness, fearlessness and courage. She is also the author of Love, Love Me and its sequel Things We Love. Her latest book is the final in the Love Trilogy: Love Always. She is also the author of Bat Your Eyelashes andThe Glossy Life.