Ahh, the terrifying, yet amazing world of dating. You know you’ve got lots to offer and you’re totally ready to get out there again – if only those niggling anxieties would back off! It’s so much easier to be your authentic self and feel a true connection (or not!) when your palms aren’t ridiculously sweaty. Here dating coach John Keane shares his essential guide to keeping your cool and shining your light…
The reason some people don’t get much success with dating is because they have a poor image of themselves and a negative view of the world. If you don’t like yourself, how can you expect your date to like you? This is usually down to social conditioning from earlier in your life.
You are not your life story.
So let go of the negative thoughts and start thinking positively. Remember that your date agreed to see you because they liked something about you. So start thinking about your positive traits and achievements and remember why your family and friends like you. Let your love interest see more of this positive empowered you.
Be comfortable with your imperfections and believe you are worth of someone’s love.
Remember if you want to be loved you must first love yourself.
Coming from a place where you don’t already love yourself creates anxiety and uncertainty. A simple trick is every morning talk to yourself in the mirror about 10 things you love about yourself.
A few hours before your date, find somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed and sit or lie down and completely relax; breathe deeply and slowly and draw your attention to your breath. When you are fully centred I want you to imagine yourself going on your nightout and everything going well. Visualise your surroundings and where you are and what you are saying and what your date is saying. If you are not that visual
of a person you can focus on what you might hear, smell, feel
My advice to all my clients is to let go of expectation and try not to care about the outcome of the date. For a connection to grow it takes two people, and you can only do what you can from your end. You cannot control if your date turns out to be in a bad mood or turns out to be rude.
You can only focus on being your best self.
So look at going on dates as a way to grow and improve yourself as a person and like I already mentioned the more dates you will go on the better you will become at dating!
About the author
John Keane is a NLP practitioner and dating coach. He has closely studied relationships and human patterns of behaviour to teach people everything they need to know abuot dating successfully.